I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
