i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
