my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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