he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
