He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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