a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
please don't ironically join a cult
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