I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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