in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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