But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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