her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize