I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
