My sheets look like a crime scene.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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