My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
