I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
