Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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