I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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