I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
