i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
