Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
