I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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