He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
