Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize