Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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