sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
