obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
