Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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