I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
