Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
