No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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