You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
