Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize