The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
