Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
