...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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