She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
