it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize