Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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