hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
