Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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