Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
