I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
