These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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