mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
