I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
