I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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