I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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