my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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