Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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