Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
