would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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