Do you still have your period?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
