There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize