Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
