Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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