Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
