guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
