Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
