tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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