oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
