I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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