I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
