is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
