Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
