I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
