It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
