I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
