On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
