the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
