Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
