Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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