I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
