honey bunches of taint.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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