I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
