People in love make me want to vomit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
