hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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