I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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