PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
