i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
