i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
