i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
