Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
