remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
