I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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