oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize