I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
