I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Mom said you looked used
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
