you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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