Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
