I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sext me about skeletons
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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