My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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