Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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