Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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