You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
