Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
