thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
