You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
