peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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