i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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