I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
