The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
