the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize