When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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