I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
