Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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