remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
