one two three fourrrrnication!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
